I've taken to masochism, hurting myself without discomfort
The kind of pain so deep, you convince yourself out doesn't hurt...not that it's pleasurable, but instead it's a familiar ache
One you've known all your life, a smoke screen of false provado and a shield of lies
Leading everyone to believe they are getting a deeper knowledge of you...inventory of who they've found in you
Simply an oil painting of the perception they expect, no matter the bold vulgarity of you outward nature
Never truly being free...
It's the pain that forces your hand, you believe you were born to bare it and it is the test of your true salt
You refuse to listen, and with pain embedded in my core pride has become moo matter what you start now...it should have never mattered on the first place
Friday, March 13, 2015
Can't Listen, Too Proud to Hear
Monday, September 29, 2014
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Whatchu Call
Decidedly I've found that's life is his and hers
Both lifeless for the taking, apparitions with no solid
foundation you rocked me until I crumbled, I rolled you,
sacked you, Queen of the King's last fumble
Proud of our victories, but ashamed of their meaning...you
ask is this whatchu call love?
Aimlessly badgering the other with hopes of reconciliation so
spicy your eyes water
Who is he to you, why is she still texting after all this
time....things we do turn blind hearts to cobbled stone
Heavy like burdens, gasping large gulps of sanity as you bob
about, thrown asunder by a chaotic storm brewed by the
chronic mistreatment of the one you trust.....as you rise you
think...is this whatchu call love....being loved...loving
you..
To know that of is distinct, but to feel that of it is
divine, and with that knowledge we lead to our doom
You screwing me, me fucking you
You say my eyes gotdamn you everytime, while for me it's the
truth behind your clear browns that constantly forsakes
me...being told by outsiders to look with in and agree to
disagree
As we slackjaw and our images twinkle with dumbfound disgust
as they regale us with the tales of how the beat their
union's ass we ask with a pure yet delicate honesty...is that
whatchu call love?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Love In Gestation
This is no dream,cause i've pinched myself and closed my eyes but it seems like my fantasy is truly a reality it's like the best is yet to come if you ask me
With every word you speak,mold my sanity
Walk up behind me,grab me,show me you can handle me
It's only the beginning so i wont overwhelm you,just give you strands of me,trust me its better when it's wetter and at this rate in no time you'll be waist deep in me
At first sight you planted seeds from the soul connection tree and who would have ever known that they would grow inside of me
Here i go carrying the beginning stages of butterflies,simply because when im with you i become paralyzed, petrified,overjoyed,super high,and glassy eyed
From the way you dug my mind made me wanna give you admission to its ride,cant you hear my heart beckoning you to hop inside
Taking you to where lazy birds bloom from the sunshine's truth,and the wind bends their stems in the ways lovers bend love to
I'm trying to build a love thats visceral,if you ask me we're damn near quintessential so im praying this is something special
I'm feeling patience,but i'm tired of waiting
I know every love has its challenges and re-estimations,causing them to never make it past the point of love in gestation
If you dont know or i'm wrong,let me help you or move on
Or we can dim the lights as you take my virtue and i read you your rights or crack backs til the break of dawn just like in the Maxwell song
Turning you on and on and on to different positions all night long
Then take a long Sunday morning as easy as i'm going
Oh yes, being with you is definitely something i can get into
Not trying to sound cliche but i want you,so here's to love in gestation and 3 cheers to you
With every word you speak,mold my sanity
Walk up behind me,grab me,show me you can handle me
It's only the beginning so i wont overwhelm you,just give you strands of me,trust me its better when it's wetter and at this rate in no time you'll be waist deep in me
At first sight you planted seeds from the soul connection tree and who would have ever known that they would grow inside of me
Here i go carrying the beginning stages of butterflies,simply because when im with you i become paralyzed, petrified,overjoyed,super high,and glassy eyed
From the way you dug my mind made me wanna give you admission to its ride,cant you hear my heart beckoning you to hop inside
Taking you to where lazy birds bloom from the sunshine's truth,and the wind bends their stems in the ways lovers bend love to
I'm trying to build a love thats visceral,if you ask me we're damn near quintessential so im praying this is something special
I'm feeling patience,but i'm tired of waiting
I know every love has its challenges and re-estimations,causing them to never make it past the point of love in gestation
If you dont know or i'm wrong,let me help you or move on
Or we can dim the lights as you take my virtue and i read you your rights or crack backs til the break of dawn just like in the Maxwell song
Turning you on and on and on to different positions all night long
Then take a long Sunday morning as easy as i'm going
Oh yes, being with you is definitely something i can get into
Not trying to sound cliche but i want you,so here's to love in gestation and 3 cheers to you
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Reasons
I wait...I wait as if waiting is the only thing i ever want to do...still and calm is my body and all its motions
My eyes follow his pace as it quickens, while his minds searches for the reasons
This ridiculous, and why am I still waiting like a fool, but I dare not budge
The slightest movement from me and this whole thing collapses and waiting would have been for nothing...so I wait
It's unanimous, his reasons is "because" ...on lord where did I go wrong, when did I miss the first sign, what part did i fuck up to bring us to this
Body still stiff, tears uncontrollably contained rolling down my cheeks and i feel as empty as a drum..he once filled me up, brought soo much joy that to not be happy was a mystery to me...
But he insist he has his reasons and I should respect and understand them, but if those reasons contradict everything my title stands for then where is the defining line in the sand....it's as if you've won a game I was
never informed we were racing to get there, I almost feel like you were never here for love, but for game to be given the chance to hunt, poach and mount me...just like game
Strange how my choice to leave baffles you, like you had no idea who I am, you know my type the type to let you have it, i mean this ones on me and i charge it to the game, but i stand around looking down and plan, to be your marble statue....beautiful, graceful, and still never moving from where you've placed me and always being there for don't fit into that picture the whole me shutting down thing is definitely a problem.
You shake my thoughts and drag me back to reality, and in reality im not waiting, im not still, and my tears are not contained at all, I barely got that last part...something about you have your reasons, blah blah, i love you, blah blah.....or i think so im not sure, i wasn't paying attention but don't be mad i have my reasons...
*Inspiration*
My choice not my reasons
My eyes follow his pace as it quickens, while his minds searches for the reasons
This ridiculous, and why am I still waiting like a fool, but I dare not budge
The slightest movement from me and this whole thing collapses and waiting would have been for nothing...so I wait
It's unanimous, his reasons is "because" ...on lord where did I go wrong, when did I miss the first sign, what part did i fuck up to bring us to this
Body still stiff, tears uncontrollably contained rolling down my cheeks and i feel as empty as a drum..he once filled me up, brought soo much joy that to not be happy was a mystery to me...
But he insist he has his reasons and I should respect and understand them, but if those reasons contradict everything my title stands for then where is the defining line in the sand....it's as if you've won a game I was
never informed we were racing to get there, I almost feel like you were never here for love, but for game to be given the chance to hunt, poach and mount me...just like game
Strange how my choice to leave baffles you, like you had no idea who I am, you know my type the type to let you have it, i mean this ones on me and i charge it to the game, but i stand around looking down and plan, to be your marble statue....beautiful, graceful, and still never moving from where you've placed me and always being there for don't fit into that picture the whole me shutting down thing is definitely a problem.
You shake my thoughts and drag me back to reality, and in reality im not waiting, im not still, and my tears are not contained at all, I barely got that last part...something about you have your reasons, blah blah, i love you, blah blah.....or i think so im not sure, i wasn't paying attention but don't be mad i have my reasons...
*Inspiration*
My choice not my reasons
Friday, December 31, 2010
The Body That Lies Between Us
As i lay in bed thoughts worry my mind...
How long before she calls, how many days before she worries for...how long before he sleeps and she grasps a moment of time away?
The repeats of our times together, how much she always cared for me when i needed someone...how she was there before he came between us...
Where I use to lay, where my love once dwelled undisturbed, he now lies with his presence keeping her at bay...
The days once filled with us are now surrounded by him
Her wedding day crushed me, her beauty unknown and her eyes drenched with hope for her future with him, no longer talk of memories together, no future for us...
Nothing left to mark our days just the body between us...him with the heart of a child and me with the heart of a lonely lioness doomed to walk the Sahara no companionship, no one to make the long hot days bearable...he lies between us....
His mouth filled with half truths, his mind cluttered with insecurities, his heart selfish and thoughtless, and his soul black and dim....he lies between us
I dont expect for her to ever really see, to ever really know that beneath it all he laid between us...
*Inspiration*
Having to make nice with a fungus growing on her life
How long before she calls, how many days before she worries for...how long before he sleeps and she grasps a moment of time away?
The repeats of our times together, how much she always cared for me when i needed someone...how she was there before he came between us...
Where I use to lay, where my love once dwelled undisturbed, he now lies with his presence keeping her at bay...
The days once filled with us are now surrounded by him
Her wedding day crushed me, her beauty unknown and her eyes drenched with hope for her future with him, no longer talk of memories together, no future for us...
Nothing left to mark our days just the body between us...him with the heart of a child and me with the heart of a lonely lioness doomed to walk the Sahara no companionship, no one to make the long hot days bearable...he lies between us....
His mouth filled with half truths, his mind cluttered with insecurities, his heart selfish and thoughtless, and his soul black and dim....he lies between us
I dont expect for her to ever really see, to ever really know that beneath it all he laid between us...
*Inspiration*
Having to make nice with a fungus growing on her life
Digressing
Cold are my thoughts
Deep are my feelings
Bottomless with much emotion
I never thought i could be so hurt by someone who was no one to me
Odd how my memories back track me to a time where hear you say my name or simply speak to me made each drop of rain seem like a small blessing and every storm cloud a shade tree
How hard to eye myself, mirrors prove to be hell bent on showing a reflection so distorted it's unrecognizable
The torture of dreams of happiness depress me, so i don't sleep...i don't dream
Insomnia a rude reminder of how my mind doesn't belong to me
Of how thoughts of you and all unsolved mysteries circle my head until nauseous, until tears and sighs are the only tonic that can lull me to sleep
Living, sleeping, breathing with my enemies
Calling them by name like friends, never disclosing that they are truly foe
Reverting to a place where fear is a war hug and hate is a soft kiss
Simply so i won't have to face another day with truth staring at me
My only option for self-survival is digression...damn, writers block,,,,
*Inspiration*
aiisnmo dan ymdseinrf
Deep are my feelings
Bottomless with much emotion
I never thought i could be so hurt by someone who was no one to me
Odd how my memories back track me to a time where hear you say my name or simply speak to me made each drop of rain seem like a small blessing and every storm cloud a shade tree
How hard to eye myself, mirrors prove to be hell bent on showing a reflection so distorted it's unrecognizable
The torture of dreams of happiness depress me, so i don't sleep...i don't dream
Insomnia a rude reminder of how my mind doesn't belong to me
Of how thoughts of you and all unsolved mysteries circle my head until nauseous, until tears and sighs are the only tonic that can lull me to sleep
Living, sleeping, breathing with my enemies
Calling them by name like friends, never disclosing that they are truly foe
Reverting to a place where fear is a war hug and hate is a soft kiss
Simply so i won't have to face another day with truth staring at me
My only option for self-survival is digression...damn, writers block,,,,
*Inspiration*
aiisnmo dan ymdseinrf
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